What Is The Right Reason To Adopt?
What is the right reason to adopt? The wrong reason? Is there a reason that is better than others?
My view on parenting has always been putting the needs of the child first, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. I knew that I would be good at being attuned to a child’s needs with my history working in mental health centers and as a nanny before that. Hearing about the needs of orphans worldwide, my thought was that some child(ren) need(s) me; these children need a family, and I can be that. I felt responsible to do what I can not to leave a child alone without love, hope, or a future. Donations to orphan care foundations just did not seem enough. I had enough to be able to do more for one or two (and now I’m trying to do even more).
I never thought that adoption was saving the world. It may drastically improve the future for that single child; yet, with that gain, more losses (culture, language, friends, etc.) are added to what the child has already lost. At the very least this includes the opportunity to be raised by his or her birth family and to truly know his or her roots. I have always shunned the idea that I am a hero or doing any more than that which I felt I was responsible to do. I pay my bills, I mow my lawn, I adopted. Clearly, I found much more joy in adopting than in paying my bills. I enjoy mowing my lawn most of the time, but I celebrated adopting.
Recently I heard someone say that the only reason to have a child (by birth or by adoption) is because you want to and it will make you happy. At first, after seeing too many parents who try to live through their children or do not respect their children as individual personalities, parenting for myself felt kind of icky. Being a parent means it is not about me most of the time. I love that Mooshinindy lets her daughter where whatever she thinks best expresses her that day. When my child has a nightmare, it doesnt matter how tired I am, I must help soothe her. We definitely have boundaries, but children’s emotional needs come first most of the time.
As I thought about it (and typed through this blog), I have to admit that adopting and parenting do make me happy. I find joy in giving to my child, meeting emotional needs, and helping her discover the world. I still can’t say that I did it only for me, but it was for me as well. It also makes me happy to continue to volunteer to share some of my stories at my adoption agency. I hope that I can figure out a way to give more to the children who will not be adopted by raising funds through this blog.
Do you think there is a right reason or a wrong reason to adopt? What do you think is the best reason? What was your reason?
photo by FreeDigitalPhotos.net because I’m still trying to figure out how I want to do photos yet still protect the innocent