It’s been nearly two months since I posted here, and I seem to have written another soapbox post. Mostly I think that I am not writing often because I am so happy. I’m also being really structured about family time and staying organized. I promise to be a bit more light hearted some time soon. Do you want to hear about how I solved the “laundry crisis” I hear so many discuss?
It’s not a new post, but recently twitter popped up Don’t Adopt! by Russell Moore for me to read. I clicked through because I didn’t know the author, and I was pretty sure from the title that I would agree. I do agree with him this time (mostly). Not everyone can or should adopt. Adoption is a special need in itself. I don’t think that coming to parenthood, even through adoption, because you want to be a mommy or a daddy is a bad thing. The dangerous part is when you see yourself as a the parent to the child and not the parent for the child. Parenting is not about creating a person. Parenting is about helping a person grow into their potential. Parenting is mostly about love and sacrifice. If you get frustrated with your dog’s neediness, parenting may not be for you – yet…
Just as parenting is guiding the child to reach his or her potential, we all have the opportunity to grow. Some people may not be quite ready for parenthood when they start, but we all learn on our feet. There are pre-adoption classes, post-adoption support groups, therapists that specialize in working with adoptive families, books, blogs, and an adoption community. Personally, I think that the best parents are not the ones who go in with all the answers, but rather those who continue to learn and challenge themselves, regardless of the experience they may or may not have. I also think that because adoption is a special need in itself, you have to seek the guidance of professionals, not just mommy bloggers. I’m here offering opinions, hopefully challenging a few, but I don’t have all the answers – I am learning like everyone else.
In Adopted For Life, Russell Moore said some things that I find just as dangerous as the “wrong person” adopting, as he wrote in his blog. I realize that may not be a popular statement. It’s a book that seems very popular in the Christian adoption community. That in itself makes his statements more dangerous. Mostly Mr. Moore disagrees with me that you need the guidance of professionals. He practically preaches to ignore what the social workers specializing in adoption try to teach you about adopting an orphan. While there are other good things in his book, that statement is so dangerous that I would rather no other adoptive parent reads it. Dr. Moore has studied theology; I would be interested in his interpretation of Biblical passages concerning adoption. He has not studied psychology, neurology, or social work. He has parented adopted children, but that does not make him an expert. Every child is different. Every adoption is different. I will look to those who have studied and have experience with more than a few children.